Gifts for mother

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother, who lived far away in another city.

The first said, “I had a big house built for Mama. The second said, “I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house. The third said, “I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chauffeur. The fourth said, “Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read it anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this monk who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge them $100,000 a year for 20 years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.” The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mama sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: Dear Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.

Dear Mike, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. But thank you for the gesture just the same.

Dear Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes … and the driver you hired is a big jerk. But the thought was good. Thanks.

Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.”

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Fishing

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. 
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out  
my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. 
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. 
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?" 
You'll love the answer... 
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."

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E-mail

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room* so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However* he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address* and without realizing his error he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile….Somewhere in Houston * a widow had just returned from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail* expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message* she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room* found his mother on the floor* and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached
Date: 2 May 2006

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here* and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I’ve just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
Your loving hubby.

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Nails

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day, the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.”

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The Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall.  They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but 

especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, 

I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, ugly old lady moved up to the 

moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady walked between them into a 

small room. 

The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up 

sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in 

the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. 

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother.

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Peacock and Tortoise

ONCE upon a time a peacock and a tortoise became great friends. The peacock lived on a tree by the banks of the stream in which the tortoise had his home. Everyday, after he had a drink of water, the peacock will dance near the stream to the amusement of his tortoise friend.
One unfortunate day, a bird-catcher caught the peacock and was about to take him away tothe market. The unhappy bird begged his captor to allow him to bid his friend, the tortoise good-bye.
The bird-catcher allowed him his request and took him to the tortoise. The tortoise was greatly disturbed to see his friend a captive.
The tortoise asked the bird-catcher to let the peacock go in return for an expensive present. The bird-catcher agreed. The tortoise then, dived into the water and in a few seconds came up with a handsome pearl, to the great astonishment of the bird-catcher. As this was beyond his exceptions, he let the peacock go immediately.
A short time after, the greedy man came back and told the tortoise that he had not paid enough for the release of his friend, and threatened to catch the peacock again unless an exact match of the pearl is given to him. The tortoise, who had already advised his friend, thepeacock, to leave the place to a distant jungle upon being set free, was greatly enraged at the greed of this man.
“Well,” said the tortoise, “if you insist on having another pearl like it, give it to me and I will fish you out an exact match for it.” Due to his greed, the bird-catcher gave the pearl to the tortoise, who swam away with it saying, “I am no fool to take one and give two!” The tortoise then disappeared into the water, leaving the bird-catcher without a single pearl

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